Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
