I have demons in me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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