i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
