I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
