If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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