i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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