I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
