I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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