Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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