My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
