My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am naked and annoyed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
