Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
