No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
