he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
