Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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