He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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