carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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