Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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