I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
