my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize