o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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