remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
