Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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