How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
