I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
