We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
