thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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