I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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