My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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