He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
