i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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