let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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