WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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