so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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