Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
