she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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