i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
