yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
