u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
