I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
