This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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