I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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