you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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