I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
