Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You're like the curious george of whores
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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