I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
