Dual....:-)
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
