cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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