called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
