Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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