my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
