Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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