It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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