my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
