White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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