Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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