when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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