so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
