you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
