i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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