I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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