i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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