Only a mothe r could love this liver
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
