I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
