I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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