His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
