You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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