so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
