Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
