I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will be naked everywhere
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
