im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
