Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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