i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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