Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
