who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
