i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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