I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I look better un-naked...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
