My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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