I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
