Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
