if you like me you must not know who I am
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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